This picture was taken a few weeks ago at work sitting in my office right after I gave my resignation letter. I had such a calmness and a feeling of peace.
Let me back up...So for the last 5 years I have worked as an Event Planner specializing in corporate meetings such as tradeshows, conferences, board meetings, seminars, etc. I absolutely love my line of work. Event planning is my passion and to be able to merge my talent of being creative with my business background gives me such a sense of purpose. I was blessed with an opportunity to work for an organization where I was able to grow my talent and expand past what I thought I was capable of. I started doing social events on my own as an entrepreneur (that's another story for another post) and when I heard about this opportunity I was elated. The perks and benefits were endless. Facilitating events on my own were daunting. It was just me as the visionary and my husband and me doing all the physical work setting up. We made a great team, but it was so taxing on our bodies. It was rewarding work, but HARD and almost impossible to achieve the desired result with limited funds as a business owner. Taking a full time position with an organization was a no brainer at the time. I was compensated handsomely. My salary alone not even including my husband was more than the average for 2 working adult household. I also received additional perks such as 100% medical benefits and a solid 401K package. I was able to do the work I love on someone else's dime, travel often, receive exclusive invites to events, work and earn credits towards my Event Planner Certification, and I built professional/personal relationships that I cherish deeply. Seems like a dream, right?
I guess you're like "well why the hell did you quit"... so, here's the thing. There comes a point where a peace of mind becomes more valuable than money. I told myself years ago that I won't sell my soul nor will I compromise my integrity and self-respect for anybody's paycheck.
Note that this is not an attempt to bash my previous employer. This is my journey from my eyes.
Over time the workload and expectations increased, but the appreciation didn't. They became very clear on what was needed from me to benefit their bottom line, however the message on my value didn't resonate. I started to feel like "the help" which pissed me the fuck off. As a planner the job is not a 9-5 job. It's a "until shit is done" type job. There are times when there are hours and hours of planning including shipping/tracking materials, dropping off items, printing handouts and marketing collateral, sending travel itineraries and logistic information, working on diagrams/room lay outs...the list goes on. There were times when I had to leave my family to travel, come home late…mind you I have a 2 year old. Y’all I worked THREE days until my due date. I was pregnant as hell traveling and setting up for meetings. This actually caused arguments in my home. My husband was pissed. He told me I was doing the most and needed to sit the hell down somewhere. I’m hard headed and don’t listen. There would be times when an impromptu meeting would be called at 4:30 PM…the office closes at 5:00. I would be an hour into this last minute meeting and have to say “we’re done here…I’m going home to my family”. There would be times I needed to be working on site at 6:30 AM which I was fine with. My job also required for me to work occasional weekend which I was also perfectly ok with. You’d think that since the hours were long that office work hours were flexible. Nope. The expectation was work from 8:00 AM-5:00 PM daily…even as a salaried employee. If you would be late you’re expected to call, if you need to leave early…take PTO. Yeah you got it. If you’re working late it’s “the job”, but if you use personal time to do any regular life shit you’re expected to use PTO. So already the scales aren’t balanced.
My employer was vocal about petty mishaps and what could be done "better", but there were few "Thank you", Great job, I appreciate you and the work you do". When I mentioned my frustrations and concerns to a director he had the nerve to tell me "well you're doing the job well, but we want more...the expectation was when you started making more money was"...The fuck does that have to do with respect and decency? Furthermore what the hell do you want? My damn soul? So, since you pay me you're able to work me like a robot and not treat me like a human?
Things came to a head once my father became ill. For 8 months as my family dealt with my dad's cancer then his death I worked. Between doctor's appointments, chemo treatments, family meetings and mentally processing what was happening to my dad...I worked. I traveled and events were facilitated well with ease. Do you think this was acknowledged or appreciated...nope. I was out for bereavement and when I returned there were nothing heart felt such as flowers, assistance for me to navigate through tasks as I try to get my life together, nothing sent to my family's house...just a "welcome back...here is what's on the agenda and what we needed while you were away". I had just cremated my father after watching him slowly die. I had to process my family’s lives changing forever. The main priority for them was me returning to the organization so I can work on their contracts for 5 years from the time. This was what I received the first 30 minutes of being back at work.
I decided then I would not work for a place like that. I don't give a fuck how much money and opportunity is thrown at me. Even after all of that I gave a notice and did the "right thing"...that still was not enough. I was asked if I'd reconsider and stay. My first thought was "are you muh fuggahs smoking crack", but I just said no. I was very clear on my reason for leaving and how the company made me feel as a human. All of a sudden there was this barrage of praise. They told me how much my contributions benefited the organization and how I will be so missed. I was like oh wow. Where was all of this months ago? I knew then they were full of shit and that I had made the right decision. After I said my peace I was ready to move on. No hard feelings. I just figured this chapter is closing and it's time for the next phase in my life.
Y'all....they didn't let up. Asking for status updates, transitioning meetings, cross training sessions (now mind you I agreed to interview for my replacement...you'd think that would be enough). They were texting and emailing me while I was HOME. They wanted to literally work me up until my last second of employment AFTER telling them this type of work culture is toxic and not conducive for my mental health. I couldn't take it. They drained me so much that I forfeited over 80 hours of PTO pay. I didn’t even care about getting paid what was owed to me. 3 days to my scheduled last day I arrived to the office with my baby in tow and dropped off all property including laptop, phone and security access cards. I left that shit without any more talking or final good bye. I was done. I walked away with my baby so we could enjoy the day together and I never turned back. As I walked away I began to cleanse my mind and spirit as I prepare for my next chapter.
I felt empowered. My husband was hyping me up. LOL! He told me "you talented AF and will survive without them. I got you. Take your time to figure out your next move to make it your best move". I told him I felt nervous and he was like "nervous?! nigga, you should feel excited...I'm excited for you. You're like Lebron when he left for Miami. You didn't get traded. You took control of your own destiny". I was like "hell yea, I'm Lebron in this bitch!". Lol! In all seriousness, that lil pep talk was what I needed as a confidence boost to bet on myself. If I don't, who will?
I say all this to say this: nothing is worth your sanity. Mental health is extremely important and sometimes our jobs don't take it as serious as they should. If you died today your job would be posted by COB and the company will readjust and move forward meanwhile, your family is suffering your loss. Fuck that. Take care of YOU first. You deserve it.
Also, I will say this: I don't encourage anyone to put themselves in a place of financial hardship. In no way am I saying to just quit when you're upset with a company. I understand we live in a real world and sometimes sacrifices have to be made to feed our families. It was building up in me for a while. My situation allowed for me to quit and pursue other opportunities before lining something up. I have an emergency savings, a supportive husband and a plan already in place. The appropriate measures were taken. Sometimes it takes preparation and patience, but no one should be subjected to stay at a place where you are undervalued and unappreciated.
I will leave with this: go with your gut. Allow your spirit to guide you. I know it sounds cliché, but do what feels "right". I know we all face times when we are taken advantage of and not valued the way we should be. No one has to take that from ANY employer. They need your services to profit more than you need them.
If it interferes with your inner peace....fuck that job!
-Q